“This is my desire, to honor You
Lord with all of my heart I’ll worship You
All I have within me I’ll give You praise
All that I adore is in You“

I was in worship tonight and I was singing this song…we came to the highlighted line and it hit me a little differently than it has for the past 8 years.  Suddenly, I realized what it meant and what I was singing.  I realized that everything that I want in life that is good-My husband and all that I desire and need him to be.  My family and all that we were created to be.  Me and all that I should be.  The nature around me.  That perfect sky.  That blissful romance.  That amazing horseback ride.  That smile.  That hug.  Those eyes.  That expression.  Those words-ALL THAT I ADORE can be found IN HIM. 
Then when I as I was realizing that I heard the tag team of another line, “I AM.”  That is what God called Himself when asked by Moses for a name to give to the people of Israel.  That was the name that they knew Him by.  Just think about that for a moment. 

I AM

The man I want – I AM
The future I desire – I AM
The father’s nurturing – I AM
The hug I think I need – I AM
The determination I long for – I AM
Everything you or I could ever want – I AM!

“He’s everything you want, He’s everything you need, He’s everything inside of you that you wish you could be, He says all the right things at exactly the right time…I AM everything you want, I AM everything you need, I AM everything inside of you that you wish you could be, I say all the right things at exactly the right time…but I mean nothing to you and you don’t know why”  (Some secular song by an artist that I cannot remember…)

Why can we not get it?  What is so hard to deal with that we cannot trust the One thing that is EVERYTHING we need and want? 
hmmm…Trust…that’s a hard word.  The amazing thing is that God never told us to trust a human, He told us to “trust in the Lord.”  And so now, because we have put our trust in a place that it was never meant to be our ability to place it in anything but ourselves has been damaged (some can’t even trust themselves…which isn’t completely bad because we are human too…but it does cause even more of a complication).  When in fact if we would just forget for a moment all of our pain of the past and place our trust in the One it was supposed to be in from the beginning we wouldn’t have to keep forgetting because there would be nothing to forget.  He would heal our past and reconcile us to our future and we would be able to walk the way we were called to walk.  No, trusting God does not exclude you from pain, but it does give us an extra grace for the pain that we are called to endure.  For when we agree with Him and line ourselves up with Him, we are guarded and protected from the attacks of the enemy…even the things he would seek to do under the guise of you.

*sigh*  ~Father forgive us…forgive me…we don’t understand what we are doing when we even slightly disagree with You.  You are good and You always and only do what is right.  You are the breath of life, outside of You there is nothing that can sustain me…us.  May You teach us where we are not trusting You so that we can repent, forgive, change and heal.  May we step back behind You…back underneath Your wing…where we can be protected from the enemy and ourselves.  Father, You did not pray that we would not endure pain and suffering, but that our faith would hold so may we learn to hold to that…hold to You…trusting that in all things You know what You are doing.  And that even when we have messed things up that You are faithful and just to forgive us our sins…and You work all things for the good of those who love You.  Amen~

“Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord have Your way in me”

I know this is way long and about a little bit of everything…and I’m sorry…but I hope you read it anyway…
Ashley