Okay well, this has been a long work in progress (well, it’s taken at least a month to complete). This was a piece that I stole, with permission, from Jake’s site. Some of you may be able to relate. It inspired me and I hope that this version inspires you too.
The breath heaving from her lungs and the sound of running foot steps were the only sounds Dahlia heard on the otherwise quiet night. When the sounds from behind her started to pick up in speed she realized something; she realized that either she was doomed or she had untapped depths of strength and speed that she needed to find quickly. Lights began flickering before her when suddenly thunder crashed and the world seemed to spin. Rain began to pour from the sky. It beat down on her face and made the earth harder for her feet to grip. The foot steps behind her persisted, they caused her to push herself. Despite the shooting pains coming from every part of her body, the pain in her chest was the source she felt most. She knew that these feet hitting the pavement were the direct cause but there was nothing more she could do but run. She couldn’t stop or it would over take her. She couldn’t ignore them or they would destroy her. But she couldn’t keep going, her strength wasn’t going to last.
The hardest part of it all, Dahlia thought, was that she had believed she had out run this. She thought she was going to be safe. She had fought her battles and won the war or at least that’s what it had let her believe. Now it was after her again, and this time with new found strength. Strength she did not feel she would be able to fight.
“God!” she cried, “Why is this still here, haunting me? I don’t think I can do this anymore! This pain is too deep, too constant. When will the end come?”
Her only answer was a crash of thunder. The cold rain was beginning to drenching her whole body and all she was wearing. Her clothing was becoming weights around her. Her aching body continued to complain. She began to slow up.
“I can’t do it! Okay?! I can’t keep this up! You are going to have to do this through me. Everything in me is dying! There is nothing more to fight with! Please come and save me from this. Don’t let this take me again.”
As her feet were beginning to coming to a halt she felt something inside of her, she knew her God would take care of her. She just had to keep running.
She heard the whisper again, “Hold on.”
Just a head of her, she noticed that the sun was beginning to come up over the horizon. She ran towards it with her everything. The foot steps behind her began to hit the ground harder and faster.
Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes to refocus her strength. A peace rushed over her; it gave new strength to ignore her aching body. When she opened her eyes the sun was hitting her face with such warmth she could not mistake the hand of God in it. Dahlia was so overwhelmed by this new found life that she didn’t even notice the fading of the foot steps behind her. She barely realized that the warm rain was washing her pain away. She just knew that she was running with new strength.
“Thank you,” she whispered back between breaths, “Thank you.”
Running for my life,
Ashley
very good~AmyBeth~
I like it! I like it A-LOT!!!
woah. just…….woah
I liked it… especially since you were writing a story of physical things, describing parallels that you see… allegorical, I believe it is… which can be very hard to do… and not to say it couldn’t be better… but honestly, I don’t know if I could change it to make it any better… I think that’s why I stray away from the serious stories most of the time… and it’s usually naturally… but yeah, it just feels more awkward… it needs to be more complete that way… it needs to fit, instead of just being a funny story, where anything can happen and it’s not so necessary.. but basically, I think it’s good. especially since it’s one of your first… the first, that I’ve seen… but I hesitate to say that it’s your first…. since I don’t know… but yeah. I’ll talk to you later.. you gonna keep this story writing up? just wondering… it’s wholly up to you
Jake
interstingly, I just wrote on Tony’s site about the outcry of the spirit being so loud that the soul and body can hear it and it comes in the manifest presence of the physical body. I haven’t read your post in total yet, I’m FREAKING out because I need to GOOOO to work and I’m already behind but I NEEDED to get online and chat a minute with my xanga community. I will be returning to read it, tho. Please know that! SO far it’s been scanned. =] I LOVE YOU BIG MUCHES!
how was yer worsey on Tuesday?
beJeweled
Okay, I read it. Very emotionally charged. It almost makes you feel the rain. =) Nice job. It reminded me of several things, actually. First RIGHT off the bat, I wrote the beginning to a novel many years ago. The main character was named Dahlia too! I LOVE that name… mine was in a renessaincey-type setting, over in england but somehow I heard her in a semi-irish accent. =) I think I’ll put some of it online for the times that I can’t think of something to post! Like a “Stay tuned for the next chapter” kinda thing! HUH?!? HUH?!? COOOL!?!?!? *nodnod*
Second thing that came to mind was the song I wrote for daddy about Rising Watchmen on the wall, take your mark and heed His call… standing fast, don’t rush ahead… blah blah blah it’ll come… and then we will run!~ =) Yep, I can see the rain cloud the size of a man’s hand! Here comes the rain!
Sorry that your worsey ride didn’t happen… dass sad. Just think of KIDeeeeeees and it’ll make you smile. hehehe
beJeweled