I do believe that to a certain extent God is testing me in the realm of Joy. Getting it, Keeping it, Protecting it…and so on. It’s been a little difficult with all the great changes that the Father is taking me through, the pressure I am under because of my class load, and just plan missing home. But I am learning that it is ALL connected to my mouth. I’ve known this for a long time but it’s being demonstrated in a very REAL and DRAMATIC way. So, last night while I was journaling I wrote this poem…
Reminder
Stop! Will you listen to yourself?
Just listen to the words pouring from your lips.
You don’t believe that…
You don’t feel that…
You don’t think that…
You don’t even know what you are saying anymore.
What happened to the sweet, thankful, hopeful little girl?
I know she is in there somewhere
Good things happened to her because she spoke good things
Love poured from her mouth and love was returned to her
She was wise because she guarded lips
She watched it like a hawk, not letting any nonsense through
I miss her
Let’s find her, shall we?
She may be buried but she is not impossible to find
Say the things you used to, she’ll come back
And let this serve as a reminder of the glorious past that can be reclaimed
It’s all in the power of your tongue
May the Father finish the good works He has started in you and may you know that He is on your side….fighting for you!
Ashley
Eating My Way Through It 
Sweetie,
I agree wholeheartedly, and say a resounding “AMEN” to God finishing the work he is doing. He is fighting for you and for me, too. I find it amazing that he can do that all at the same time, but then that is why he is God and we are not. I read something in my devotions this morning that bears here, and I just thought that I would share it. I was reading Psalms 44-47 this morning and nothing really jumped at me until the 3rd time I read through it. When I got to Ps 45 I was taken by the fact that Korah was singing/speaking this to David; he starts by talking to the King as a warrior, and then he makes this statement in vs 5, “Because you love what is right and hate what is wrong, therefore God, your God has annointed you, pouring out the oil of joy on you more then anyone else.”
I have also been fighting this (and I am finding – Depresion, too). For years I was equating joy with happiness, they aren’t the same. Joy of the Lord has has been something that I have striven to live in and garner to gain the strength that it is – to not only function, but to excel. The problem was I was so wearied just trying to “hang on,” that I forgot that I am supposed to be excellent. I am finding that like wisdom, we must seek joy, and that like mercy, it does come daily, early, and we must cling to it or it is fleeting. The more fleeting it becomes, the more we can come to believe that it isn’t available to us anymore, because we believe the liar and deciever that our enemy is (it’s amazing that that is what his name means). Anyway, back to the verse, as I was meditating on it (actually, I still am), but I felt like I heard God say that to the extent that we get out of rest, and allow ourselves to not let His LOVE flow over us, we can give room to the enemy’s lies about us and allow confusion. Perfect LOVE dirves out the fear and the confusion. He is the one who give us rest, and peace, and a sound mind. You, Ashley, have always loved what is right, and hated what is wrong, so let his annointing flow over you pouring out the oil of joy. I will agree that little girl will come forth again, and may her tenacity be as great as she was created to be.
I LOVE YOU, Ashadee!!
~ Dad
P.S. Your gift of penning your thoughts shames and challenges your father who is called to do the same, I am proud that you have found this as an cathartic (sp?) outlet, and prouder that it is something you do well.
=) Well now, I’ll not only see my joy BOY come back, but also this little GIRL? Wonderful!! May the pressures of this life find themselves nothing more than a heatbeat in length as the strength builds within you.
I’ve found that singing in tongues is a really fun way to build something that I don’t know how/what to place first. I listen to how the tune goes as it comes up from my heart/spirit and out of my mouth. As it is created, it proves what the “temperature of the heart” feels/tells to be. I think that as you take on this new challenge of the Spirit, you’ll find your tune to sound brighter and brighter.
OH! And try skipping! Or a piggyback ride! =) Spontaneity (sp?) is a good catapolt to breaking out of a gloomy disposition. Maybe shouting “KIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEEE” down the hall once in a while for starters. >^.”.^<
~beJeweled
get up RIGHT now and … um… no, you won’t do that… ahhh… put your hair in Piggy Tails! Yes, and then find some… ah… classical music station on any radio in your room. It will remind you of your child-likeness AND your love of art at the same time. =) I’ll see if I can offer you a spontaneous idea from time to time.
~beJeweled