So I feel like I am beating my head against a wall when it comes to this dating thing…and single guys never really understand why until they try to date me and then they figure something out about me that to be honest I haven’t even figured out. I just know that there is this little tid bit of information that is floating around out there about me that…makes me seemingly…whatever. I mean it makes me feel like I am a crazy woman, like there is something morbidly wrong with me. Something that only the guys who “try their hand at me” understand. I’m pretty sure there isn’t, but how can I be sure when there are usually so few survivors who stay around for interrogation??! Haha (I’m joking, truly)!
My theory is that I am…I am…just not dating material. That I’m only marrying material. And that comes from the idea that QUITE! a few men/boys/male gendered people have told me in almost these exact words, “You are going to make a fine wife for some man some day.” And usually when I hear that my heart swells with pride and I feel like I am on the right track…but in retrospect it feels a little like a curse. You know? Like what they really mean to say is “you are such the marrying type that no one knows what the hell to do with you on a date.” Or “you are too serious to even be in this dating game.” And maybe they are right. I don’t know, Kris would know…poor guy…what do you think, man? Am I too serious for this game? Don’t answer that. Just let it be. You have a wife now and it’s best that I don’t get in the way.
I just want to be liked enough to have someone chase me down the way I feel like chasing people down. Like on “He’s Just Not That Into You,” I want to be the girl he calls the fifteen billion other Ashleys in Fayetteville to hunt down. Well, maybe not that extreme, but something like it. I want someone to fall in love enough to not care about the other things going on in their life.
…so I did it again…second guy…no probably more like fourth…I told him how I felt and now it’s going to be awkward. Probably even more so because I was a little drunk when I did it. But I don’t care. I was going to say it sober sometime anyway. All the rest were done sober…it was only a matter of time before I just gushed. I didn’t even like him that much…but he got under my skin somehow. I can’t stinkin’ wait til he is out…
Damn it! I work with him…I need to get out. Not just because of him, he’s on the bottom of the list of things…I just need to breathe real fresh air, be seen by new people. Recreate myself. I’ve gotten myself ALL mixed up here. I’m me but I’m a little bit of a screwed up version of me. I like it…but I don’t. It’s like being let out of a cage only to realize that you are killing yourself with the “freedom.” I’ve felt this before…but the changes this time are so subtle I don’t know if I know were to begin to change it.
Eating My Way Through It 
“Like what they really mean to say is “you are such the marrying type that no one knows what the hell to do with you on a date.””Ha ha…sorry, just a mild chuckle bubbling up from memories.You, my friend, are actually the exact opposite in that area. To you, it may not seem that way, but once you let your guard down you are a very simple woman to figure out. Now, by no means is that a cut down or a ball buster, so to say. You are so perfectly made for marriage that it is hard to deny that there is another out there saying these exact same things at this very moment. You are NOT too serious for the dating game. You ARE being chased by someone out there…someone that is dreaming the same dreams in a wife that you are in a husband, speaking the same things over himself that you are now. The only downfall of that notion is….you have no idea who, or where, he is. And he has no idea who you are, or where you are. Oh, he is chasing you Ashley…trust me….just as much as you are him. Just stay faithful….stay open. And, most of all, stay SANE! =)Also….don’t poo where you eat….meaning if he works with you…maaaaaaaaan stay away from that. It will just get awkward from then on out.Don’t chase him…..he will come to you….Be the girl, and he will come. =)Stay safe my friend.With Respect,Kris
Wow, I just noticed your comment on my last post. I wrote that ’cause I didn’t think anyone was on this anymore. And though we’ve have conversations since said anticipated conversation, thanks. And to reply your own post, despite all I could say, I just want to encourage you and tell you that you *are* on the right track, and everything else you don’t understand around you (men and otherwise) is not for you to figure out. Don’t worry about being bait. Just be your fabulous self.