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(What) To Be or Not To Be? That Is The Question.

What I’ve eaten today:

  • A cup of Columbian coffee the grounds of which were dashed with Ceylon Cinnamon and the bitterness of which was curbed by Almond Milk
  • A Bowl of Honey Nut Chex Cereal
  • “Crack” Tuna Salad (recipe below) with Tostitos
  • A handful of mini chocolate chips

When I was a very young woman I dreamed of pretty grand things, until life got in the way.  Well, part of it was life, the other part was me realizing that I had really gotten carried away from my original goal in life.  This can be an okay thing for some folks.  Sometimes it’s a good thing that the tides are carrying you to places you weren’t intending to visit.  But sometimes, you look up from your spot in the water to the shore and realize that your whole goal for getting into the water is now many yards, if not miles, away from where you are now.  It is at those moments when you have to kind of course correct.  What tools ARE you working with?  What do you want to be your end goal?  What will keep inspiring you for years to come?  And what was at the core of those dreams that may have sent you that direction in the first place?

It’s been a long time, seven years to be precise, since I have had a plan.  Seven years since I’ve had a true direction.  Over the last three, I have set in my mind to be….and then second- (third- and fourth-) guessed myself.  I’ve told myself that I am not strong enough to accomplish that which I truly do think may make me happy.  I have a picture of that woman in my head but, let me tell you, she is MUCH cooler than me.  And that notion, that thought that she is so much cooler than me is terrifying!!  What if she and I are never the same person?  Or what if I attempt it and I become a pale shadow of what she could be?

…But what if I never try?  I will certainly never be anything other than the less cool version of myself that I am now.  So, it’s time to take inventory and to step onto the mat.  For I will surely fail if I lack callouses or strength in my muscles & bones.  And here, at this point on the page is where the rubber meets the road.  Here is where I declare the few steps that I am going to take to begin to be this cooler version of myself.  THIS is the scary moment, because YOU are reading it.  You may or may not know me, but what I know is that it doesn’t matter.  You still could call me to the mat at any point, if you wanted.  Scary isn’t it?  So here goes nothing:
~I am going to make myself proud by finally becoming a runner.
~I am also going to start making moves towards becoming a better cook and boiling down the culinary ideas to find what it is that I would like to serve in a restaurant.
Now the terror in my heart is real because I am terrible at carrying out long-term goals.  Apparently it is a part of my personality make-up, so I am trying to not hold it against myself.  But I still want to be this cooler version of myself, which means that something has to hold.  This has to hold.  It’s time.
What are you setting your heart on these days?  Are you treading water, lost in a rip-tide, or steering towards a clear point?  Whatever it is, just know you aren’t alone out there on the seas.
Eating My Way Through It,
Ashley
“Crack” Tuna Salad
I can take no credit for the make up of this recipe (and we’ll use this term loosely as we NEVER measure).  My partner and her former friends are the originators of this one, but it’s too good not to share.
~1 sm can of Tuna
~1 hard boiled egg
~About 2 tbsp Sugar or Honey
~2-3 tbsp Sririacha
~3-4 tbsp Diced Pickled Jalapenos
~3 dashes of whatever Sazon you have on hand, this is the one we use
~1/2 c Mayo (or Miracle Whip)
Stir it all together and eat with whatever chips you have on hand, on top of an avocado half, or mixed into salad greens. Feel free to add more or less of an ingredient.  This one is definitely one you make to taste.  We love it to be really punchy so we can get a little heavy handed on the sririacha, pickled jalapenos and sweetner (which we add ’til we hit just the right balance of sweet and spicy).
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eatingmywaythruit

There is always so much pressure when writing one of these “About Me” things, as they tend to stick around for quite a while. Well, here goes nothing ;)... I am a voracious devourer of life. I come from a very large family, who I love very much. I love food, both creating it and eating it, even though I have a slight food-handicap (gluten-free, dairy-free). I am constantly pushing myself to be as honest about who I am as I can be and to grow into a better version of myself. ...As for the rest, you will just have to read through my feed to as I blog it!

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