Goals

Today I’ve Eaten:
-2 Hard-Boiled Eggs
-An Apple
-Yummy Steak with Shrimp, Avocado, Lettuce, and Salsa
-Chicken Salad with Sweet Potato Chips
Yes, I know I need more plants in my life…it’s an effort.  I promise I ate extra yesterday. =)

A little over a year and a half ago, I sat down with one of my favorite people in Greensboro, Arminda Lindsay.  Arminda is one of those amazing people I was honored to be able to foster a relationship with when I worked as a spice girl.  This means she likes food (50 points to Gryffindor), which automatically made her a kindred spirit.  She is also an adventurous vegan….and a life coach.  It was in this capacity I asked her to tea.

At the time, I was feeling quite stuck and very frustrated (in fact, I even posted a whole blog post about it right here).  These feelings were mostly centered around my search for the holy grail of what I am to be “when I grow up.” This is something that I have struggled with ever since I first hit a rocky patch in the middle of my sophomore year of college.  That was the year I decided to change my major from Nursing to Biology, Pre-medical.  I thought this was certainly going to fit my personality better, and also it was going to serve a greater purpose for the community.  Little did I know that just two years later I was going to realize that I had forgotten my real childhood dream of having children and drop four years of college with that in mind.  The main problem, however, is that today it is 8 years later and I still do not have children.  And I did not even have a grand career to show for it when we were sitting down.

I told Arminda about some of my dreams.  Dreams of possibly going to culinary school and becoming a chef (I did love food after all).  Dreams of getting my certification and possibly becoming a life coach myself (I am a fantastic listener and a pretty good counselor).  So many dreams….
….so many more fears.

I told her that I was afraid to attempt anything big.  What if I got in the middle of it and I realized that I didn’t love it anymore and I just left?  What a waste!  What if I was not strong enough to endure some of those things (culinary school, anyone)?  I’m certainly too soft-hearted for that.  My main fear:

“I am not very good at finishing things,” I told her.

She looked at me a little dumbfounded and asked me why I would think that.  Arminda listened to me regale her with the many failures in my life: nursing school turned to Biology Pre-medical, turned to bartending in a corporate chain of restaurants.  How could she not see?!

Then she asked me to list some things that I had finished lately.  At first, I struggled to name even one, only able to see my failures.  Then she went really basic on me and reminded me that I was indeed dressed for the day.  And didn’t I feed myself? And had I read a (whole bunch of) book(s) lately?  I wasn’t I in the middle of doing a 21 day cleanse of all sugars?  The answer to all of those questions was, “Why, yes, indeed that is true.”  Then she asked me what did I think those things had in common.  Again, I was stumped.

She went straight to the heart of the matter, pointing out that the things that I had finished were the things that I WANTED to finish.

In that moment, I was both ecstatic to have found the “magic potion” and terrified that this all-important factor was linked to my (seemingly) ever changing desires.  However, instead of letting that twinge of fear take over, this insight has become a very important part of how I set my goals.

When I am setting my goals, short- or long-term, I press myself to REALLY evaluate whether or not it is something that I really want to do.  Do I REALLY intend to do it?  Can I see myself doing it?  If I don’t do this, I know that I am VERY good at creating goals that will just make me feel obligated to check the box instead of exhilarated.  And it is not until I can find proper motivation to change my behavior (i.e. a “want-to” reason) that I will actually even begin to check that box at all.  With this as mentality as the fuel in my tank, I have been getting so much done and very few of my resolutions/goals have been trashed (YAY, me!).

So! With this in mind, how many of your New Year’s resolutions were obligatory?  How many of them did you REALLY want enact?

The year is still new! And even if you feel like you missed the boat, this moment is new.  As tomorrow will be also.  If you are given that gift, take it!  Run with it! It is not too late!  Make a goal, share it in the comments below, and let’s take this new day by the horns!

You know that, come what may, I’ll be eating my way through it!
Ashley