Need v/s Want

Every day at 3 p.m., this notification from my calendar pops up.

I put it in there probably a year and a half ago, maybe two now. Sometimes I dismiss it without thinking about why it is there. Other days it grabs me by the collar and stares deeply into my eyes forcing me to contemplate its existence. I have considered removing it from my daily calendar, for fear that it has lost its value but it stays because I do not want to forget the power that I find in using the proper words for things.

For instance: “Need” v/s “Want”

It is not quite a pet peeve of mine to use these two improperly, more like a “pet exercise” to assign the correct word. Humorously, even Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary seems to fail to make a clear distinction between the two. I know they can be used interchangably, I simply don’t feel they should be….especially not in relationships.

To my mind, a need is a requirement. For instance, I need water to live. My phone needs a battery to operate. A want is a desire, it is extra above needs. I think people are worried to define these like this because they are afraid that they are not allowed to want things that they do not need.

I used to think it so romantic to hear a partner say that they needed their significant other. I thought it was a sign of the depth of feeling and commitment they felt for each other. I even said it myself, many times. But what happens when that season of your life ends? Does that mean that you end?

Without food, I perish. Without air, I am no more. Without a clothing in sub-zero temperatures, I will walk into that “good night.”

Without the person who I once called the love of my life, I am sad but I carry on. Without a comfy bed to sleep in, I may be uncomfortable with a crick in my neck but I will still rise.

I think also too there is a shadow to this idea. If you tell a partner that you “need” them, even if they don’t care about semantics like I do, they feel the albatross you have given them. They are now trapped by your need. Now, we all know that being trapped can occasionally feel like a warm snuggle but eventually the truth will out.

“I want you.”

Are there, truly, any sexier words a person can utter?

Want is past need. Want is extra. Want is above and beyond.

Their life can be full and beautiful and delicious. And they can still want you. All the while, the door is still open. You can still leave whenever you want to, whenever you need to. There is no fear that life ends when you do. THAT is something to write home about. THAT is something that will keep you warm at night.

So, no, I don’t need you x. And, hopefully, I never will.

😉